Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
