We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
