So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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