video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
