there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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