Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
