Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
