i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
