I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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