I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sext me about skeletons
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
