You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
