He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize