so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
