i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
