It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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