So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
