im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Success! We fucked roommates!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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