mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
