I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
