Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
