he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
