I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
