i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
