She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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