i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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