I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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