I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
