please come you make the beer taste better
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
