If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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