I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
