Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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