in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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