Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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