i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
