Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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