You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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