I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
