I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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