and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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