i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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