being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
