Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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