Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
