I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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