i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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