You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
