In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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