someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
