she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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