I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
