Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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