At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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