Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
