O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize