How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
