This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
