I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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