she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
