Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
