Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i out mim tonsoeep
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