And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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