Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
