maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
