Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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