So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
