Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
