I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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