Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
