Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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