Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
