Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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