Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
