Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
