If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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