I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
