is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
