dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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