Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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