I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
