I just cut my nipple shaving
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
