I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
