this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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