This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
