she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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