It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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