I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
