I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my poor anus
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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