btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
