This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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