yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dick very happy bro
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize