This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize