i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
