I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
