I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
