I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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