My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
