yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
