from now on my penis is your penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Still dying that you shit outside
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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