i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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