I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize