I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
