Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
