I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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