I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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