i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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