wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
