So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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