Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
