It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
