yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
