this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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