Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
