So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
