I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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