in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
